I returned to Ukraine after a long absence. After a flight, several trains and a sleepless night in a small town in Poland, I watched the familiar countryside roll past the window and felt like I was in a dream. I imagined this scene countless times. I dreamed about it only to wake up with tears. Now I was looking at orchards laden with fruit and freshly harvested wheat fields and I tried to remember every detail, every leaf, every blade of grass.
Many people asked me why I wanted to return now. I explained that I could afford to take some time off from work this fall, that I could buy a ticket, etc. These were all practical reasons, but they didn’t capture the essence of what propelled me to return. The place where we’re born shapes us deeply. For someone like me who lived most of her life abroad in many different countries, the idea of home can be difficult to define. Today I know that my home is the place that draws me back despite all of the practical considerations. Returning to Ukraine during war, living through the daily reality of rocket attacks, air raid sirens and near constant blackouts, I feel at peace.
One of the most important reasons I’m back is family. My closest family here is my younger cousin. Growing up together, we were inseparable and I was the one who taught him to read, do math and swim. I spent more time with him and my grandmothers than with my parents, so our bond is strong. My cousin made a decision to stay in our grandparents’ village and he’s maintaining the land and the garden and organizing help for the local community.
There is much work to be done. For one thing, many of the elderly have been left without help as their children left to fight. We help by organizing food deliveries, doctor visits and other practical things, like home repairs or even haircuts. Several of my friends in Ukraine shelter animals abandoned by their owners as they were fleeing. War causes pain on a massive scale and the most vulnerable beings suffer the most.
On the day after the most recent devastating attack on Kyiv and other regions of Ukraine, I went into Saint Sophia Cathedral. Founded by the Grand Princes of Kyivan Rus in the 11th century, it narrowly escaped the destruction of Stalin’s regime in the 1930s. My grandmother Daria, who lived through many tragedies, told me that she would go inside the cathedral to remind herself why life was worth living. Looking at the splendid mosaics and frescoes, I too felt recharged.
It might be a cliché to say that beauty will save the world. I don’t always believe it, seeing how people can destroy the most exquisite things. Yet, art and beauty help us find ourselves when we feel lost. They remind us of true values and give us a sense of perspective. They tell us something about humanity and evoke hope.
I’m sharing stories about my travels in Ukraine via my Instagram. Of course, if you have an interest in topics like food, art or culture, I will be glad to cover them. While the war defines Ukraine right now, this country has so much more. The resilience of its people living through the most harrowing circumstances never fails to move and inspire me. Yet, Ukraine is so much more than the war headlines. I hope that you can see it through my eyes, tragic, complex and incredibly beautiful.
Photography by Bois de Jasmin, Saint Sophia Cathedral.
44 Comments
Elizabeth: One of the most moving things that you have ever written. I really feel your simultaneous pain/need/hope expressed so beautifully here and the universal truth that we all need art, beauty, hope when the world is darkest. There are points of light like your cousin and friends generously helping the ones who suffer most as a result of the ambitions of man. Bless you all. Slava Ukraini! August 30, 2024 at 9:24am
Victoria: Thank you very much. I’m touched that this post resonated with you. Enjoyed reading your comment.
Heroiam Slava! September 9, 2024 at 2:12am
Wara: We are with you every step of your journey💜 We who are citizens of the world always feel at peace when we return to the place where we were born⭐️ By going there, you are a LIGHT worker, you bring love and light and you shine a beautiful light in your BELOVED UKRANIA💙💛 Sending you ABRAZOS, LOVE AND LIGHT💙⭐️ August 30, 2024 at 10:21am
Victoria: Thank you very much! September 9, 2024 at 2:19am
Hamamelis: Thank you for your moving thoughts about going and coming home. I am so happy for you that you will see Poltava again, and your grandmother’s garden, and ofcourse your cousin. I know the need in Ukraine especially for the most vulnerable ones is enormous. Please let us know if we can help by donating, I would be glad to do so. Stay safe while your soul gets nourished. August 30, 2024 at 10:30am
Victoria: Thank you for your kind offer of help! I will plan something and let you know. September 9, 2024 at 2:19am
Noemí.: Peace soon for your people. August 30, 2024 at 12:01pm
Victoria: Thank you! September 9, 2024 at 2:19am
Alyssa Harad: Sending love, dear V. August 30, 2024 at 12:36pm
Victoria: Thank you, dear A. September 9, 2024 at 2:20am
Karen A: Beautiful words and I am glad that you were able to return. Despite the huge challenges it must feel good to be with your cousin, near places dear to you, and in the land of your birth. Echoing Hammamelis’ sentiments about donations. August 30, 2024 at 6:55pm
Victoria: Thank you for your compassion and generosity. Means a lot to me. September 9, 2024 at 2:20am
Amalia: May the Virgin Mary, protect you, your family, your country. August 30, 2024 at 7:31pm
Victoria: Thank you very much! September 9, 2024 at 2:21am
Aurora: A very touching tribute to your country of birth, so glad your cousin and other family members are doing well, and the garden too. Your photos of Saint Sophia are so beautiful. Hoping for an end to this cruel conflict. August 31, 2024 at 6:39am
Victoria: Thank you! I hope so too. September 9, 2024 at 2:21am
Rachel H: You are lucky to have a place that draws you back, to care for and love. And what a beautiful place. Thank you for sharing this. May the beauty you find there remain. Safe travels. August 31, 2024 at 5:48pm
Victoria: You put it so well. Having such a place is a gift. September 9, 2024 at 2:26am
Johanna: What a moving post. I hope your trip is all you need and want it to be. Stay safe, Victoria. Slava Ukraini! September 1, 2024 at 11:45am
Victoria: Heroiam Slava!
Thank you for your kind words. September 9, 2024 at 2:26am
Elena: Thakns for sharing about Ukraine through your eyes, and please stay safe. September 2, 2024 at 3:45pm
Victoria: Thank you for reading! September 9, 2024 at 2:26am
Hamamelis: I am so very sorry that they bombed Poltava today. It is another act of unspeakable cruelty. Every human life lost is a tragedy, but I especially hope your cousin and all your friends are safe. Wishing you strength and resilience in this very difficult time. September 3, 2024 at 10:25am
Victoria: It was such a tragic experience. I was in the city when it happened and the emotional pain and trauma were unbearable. September 9, 2024 at 2:28am
Lucy R: please take care, and thanks for what you are doing and sharing. it’s a testament to Ukraine that its spirit and beauty and people draw you back no matter the danger. it’s a bold loyalty that is a grace to everyone who comes to know of it as well as your people and yourself. September 3, 2024 at 2:14pm
Victoria: Thank you so much for your support and warm words. I read all of these comments and I feel stronger. September 9, 2024 at 2:29am
Silvermoon: Dear Victoria,
I just saw the news that Russia bombed Poltova today. Horribly cruel and such viciously pointless action. Hopefully you, your cousin and friends are okay? Wishing you strength in this difficult moment. You are in my thoughts. September 3, 2024 at 3:24pm
Victoria: Thank you very much for your message. I’m fine. My family is safe too, but it’s a devastating event for Poltava. It’s been a very difficult day for us here.
I will also take this moment to thank everyone for their comments. I will share more within the next couple of days. Reading your comments is a reminder of kindness and humanity amidst darkness. September 3, 2024 at 4:41pm
Silvermoon: Victoria, I am so glad to hear you and your dear ones are safe. Thank you for responding. I am sure we all feel the same.
Take care and don’t worry about posting anything until you feel more settled. September 3, 2024 at 4:49pm
Rachel Cunliffe: This is beautiful, Victoria. Thank you for sharing. Being aware of the grand scale of time and the endurance of things gives a deep sense of hope. I’m reminded too of an article by Curt Thompson called “Beauty Will Save the World” (https://curtthompsonmd.com/beauty-will-save-the-world/).
“What beauty calls us to do, is not just consider the beauty itself, it pauses us long enough to consider each other.” September 3, 2024 at 6:06pm
Victoria: Thank you very much, Rachel. This is exactly what I needed to read both on the day you’d sent it and today. Grand sense of time and endurance of things. September 9, 2024 at 2:30am
Diana: Thank you Victoria & to all here for your comments 🙏🏼 I almost don’t know what to say as I’m filled with quiet; Big love, healing, beauty & big Hope be with everyone 🕊️🌹 September 3, 2024 at 6:27pm
Victoria: Much love to you! September 9, 2024 at 2:30am
Carine S.: Wow, this is the most beautiful and moving piece of work I’ve read in a long time. I totally share your opinion that art and beauty can help us find ourselves when lost. This is the essence of your blog and certainly the reason why most of us keep on coming back to it. Thank you for sharing your stories and for reminding us of our humanity. I hope you, your family, friends and fellow citizens can remain safe, well as much as it can be. Sending you and the people of your beautiful Ukraine love, hugs and hope. September 4, 2024 at 7:20am
Victoria: Thank you very much! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this piece. I wrote it quickly and spontaneously, capturing my emotions at the moment. September 9, 2024 at 2:33am
Jennifer Shaw: Thank you for sharing your exquisite writing, Victoria. It must seem so quiet and yet somehow demanding to relive your memories of the recent past.
Thank you so much for revisiting your memories and sharing your thoughts with us. sending you so much love at this tremendous time. September 4, 2024 at 9:54pm
Victoria: I’m trying to leave time and space for reflection, as it can be difficult in my circumstances. But it’s important to do that. And it’s healing. September 9, 2024 at 2:32am
Gabriela: Such a touching article. Your sense of belonging is so profound. Be safe. Thank you for sharing this intimate moment. September 5, 2024 at 3:38am
Victoria: Thank you for this! Very much touched by your words. September 9, 2024 at 2:31am
AndreaR: Please let us know you’re okay. September 5, 2024 at 11:12am
Victoria: I’m fine! Thank you for your concern. Since I’m traveling around these past few days, I’m updating my IG more regularly; it’s easier to manage with a mobile internet than using WordPress. But I will have more posts here for next week. September 6, 2024 at 8:10am
Old Herbaceous: I’ve been following your journey on Facebook; so glad you are still safe! Thinking of you often, with prayers for your safety. September 6, 2024 at 10:51am
Victoria: Thank you very much! September 9, 2024 at 2:31am
Dina C.: Thank you for sharing, Victoria. The images from Saint Sophia are very inspiring. My Baptist church here in Virginia prays for Ukraine and her people every Sunday. Sending you love and best wishes for courage, strength and perseverance for each day. Please keep posting and writing. September 24, 2024 at 6:49pm