I heard a dull sound far in the distance, a slight reverberation of the earth under my feet and then the air raid siren blared. Or maybe it was the other way around. Now I can’t remember exactly. People continued on their way to work and school without paying attention to the wail of the siren. The golden leaves in Poltava’s main park fell faster and settled on the sidewalks.
It was the first time I went into the city of Poltava after arriving in my grandmother’s village just outside of town. It was the first time Poltava had experienced such a devastating attack since the start of the full-scale invasion by Russia on February 24, 2022. Two ballistic rockets struck a hospital and a college and killed more than 50 people and wounded hundreds of others. The children who waited at the bus stop near the college were killed instantly.
I didn’t realize what had happened. I just saw city life flow past the way it normally would. Even after a few days in Ukraine, the air raid siren becomes a part of the urban soundtrack. It doesn’t become “a new normal”—nothing like this can ever feel normal, but you learn to live with it.
It was only after I went into the market that I realized the vast scale of the attack and the devastating consequences. People were sharing stories and the whole place was steeped in pain and anger. Poltava is a small town. The loss of so many people—mostly young men and women and children—felt unbearable. I sobbed in a taxi all the way home. The driver, who had been even closer to the scene of the attack, shared the full details.
I came home and started calling my friends who worked as volunteers and offered my help. Then later I went to the cemetery where my grandmother and great-grandparents are resting and cleaned their graves.
The cemetery was the only place where I had mobile internet that day, so I sat under a tall pine tree near my great-great-grandmother’s grave and replied to messages from my concerned friends and family. My great-great-grandmother once pulled the boots off a dead German and exchanged them for a cow, along with her few remaining white-on-white embroideries. That cow helped the family survive the postwar famine.
The next day, I woke up early, prepared my perfume lessons for my private students and focused on work. I made one realization that day—when you live in a situation with no certainty of what the next moment wil bring, you can only survive by living as if you have eternity ahead of you. And in a way, that’s how life is. Sublimely precarious and tragically marvelous.
P.S. Your messages and comments are an important source of support for me. Now more than ever before. So, thank you.
17 Comments
Hana: Hi Victoria, I was thinking of you and your close ones instantly when I heard the news about Poltava. I can’t find any words that would be comforting enough. But you should know that now more than ever I appreciate being able to read your beautiful and relaxing blog alongside all the sad news. So, thank you for that. September 9, 2024 at 9:32am
Hamamelis: As you have done since the war began, it is so important to ensure we know that what is happening in Ukraine happens to people like ourselves. Children waiting for the bus or mothers going shopping. Sometimes reading about the horrors of this world is unhealthy and we become numb. By bringing in beauty, and a sense of the eternal as you do, it makes us stronger…
I will never forget your great-great-grandmother’s boots! September 9, 2024 at 10:20am
Donna: Victoria,
Your humanity and ability to see our great task of life…”you can only survive by living as if you have eternity ahead of you” gives one so much hope and strength, because it’s so honest.
It may happen in different ways, but it will come for all of us, I believe. These wars and so much directing life’s social political & economic structures are designed to destroy the human soul & spirit.
I feel braver knowing you know this, and talk about it.
Thank you, and love to you. September 9, 2024 at 10:21am
Anastasia: Dear Victoria, all this seems surreal. You writing your beautiful articles from a war zone. I don’t think I would be able to continue life as usual. You are very brave. War (any war) makes me very angry. I cannot accept that people have to die when there are disputes between countries or between parties. There should always be another way. I cannot accept it, it makes me furious. Our ”superior” civilization should be able to find solutions without killing innocent people. So much pain… I hope you stay safe and I hope this atrocity ends. Art and beauty can give meaning and hope when everything else seems senseless. I can see it in your beautiful picture September 9, 2024 at 10:38am
Geraldine Ethen: Victoria, you are the voice of the people of Ukraine to me. When I first started reading your blogs I had no idea that you came from Ukrainian background. You were sharing information about the rich world of perfumery. And then you started mentioning your memories of your home, the family garden, the art of embroidery, some wonderful recipes, etc. It made your country come alive for me! I have read of the sufferings and starvation during WWII, and am so very sad people there have to endure yet another invasion and time of suffering. Please do continue to share your family, friends and country with us as you see fit. It broadens our perspectives. September 9, 2024 at 12:03pm
Jeanne: Victoria,
Sending all the hope, love and good wishes to you, and all the people of Ukraine that I can. May this horrible war end soon, with freedom for Ukrainians❤️❤️❤️ September 9, 2024 at 12:39pm
Aurora: Dear Victoria, you are very brave as are the civilians confronted to the war in their daily life. Are you doing some gardening these days?
Your Instagram post with the kitten really made me smile, a carefree moment for you, that kitten is adorable. September 9, 2024 at 12:52pm
Deborah A. Oney: As Geraldine said in the previous missive, you have taught us so much, about so many things, that you have brought us into your family. I hope as “you see fit,” that you can keep sharing about Ukraine, keeping us aware of the human side of this war. Or, the ‘inhuman’ side of it! Despite the distances, we are all one people, and what happens elsewhere in the world, happens to us. Ukrainians aren’t alone- their courage lifts us all, and teaches us about inner strength and perseverance. Your account of this time, helps us all to be better people. September 9, 2024 at 1:17pm
Verena Martin-Dickin: Dear Victoria,
You are a such a beautiful spirit and so strong. You fill us with pride. Just to let you know we are praying for you morning and evening and thinking of you and those in need. You will win through! Huge hugs . Love Verena & Paul xx September 9, 2024 at 1:49pm
Karen A: Sending you and the people of Ukraine love and prayers. Beautiful photograph and I recall your older posts about your visits there. September 9, 2024 at 3:03pm
Bregje: After i heard about the Poltava bombing last week i immediately looked you up on instagram. Thank God you are alright.
I find myself lost for words whenever i see your reels or read your articles. What can i say that would add anything meaningful? Nothing. But i send you love.
I loved the kitten video too. September 9, 2024 at 6:46pm
Tourmaline: Dear Victoria,
I saw a report about the attack on Poltava on the news that night and was horrified and concerned for you. I am so sorry to hear about the senseless loss of life and destruction in your hometown.
My own fortunes have been a lot better recently. On 22 August, I finally finished sorting through all my late father’s things and moved back into my unit, after having lived in his house for about 18 months. I wish I could have taken more of dad’s books and personal possessions, but I just don’t have the space, so I remind myself that my memories and photos of him are the most important things.
Then, the week before last, I saw my radiation oncologist and was told that I did not need radiation this time, because the tumour was so small. That was a big relief! Although the previous radiation treatments didn’t hurt the way the chemo injections did, it was a hassle getting to and from the appointments each day, and the treatments made me very tired. I shouldn’t complain, though, because so many people are less fortunate than I with their experience of cancer.
Best wishes to you and your loved ones moving forwards.
With kind regards,
Tourmaline September 10, 2024 at 6:38am
Marianne: Dear Victoria, I am privileged that you share your lived experience and profoundly powerful insights. You are an extraordinary woman of sensitivity and integrity. You provide a bridge towards greater awareness; both inner, in that I receive signposts in how to be, and outer, in showing us the reality of insane, pointless conflict of a massive scale. While, at the same time, sharing your delight and meticulous research into something as ethereal and exquisite as gorgeous scents. Thank you 💛 September 10, 2024 at 7:34am
John: What moving words these are… It’s a strange thing to carry poetry into grief, even the poetics of perfumery’s beauty that can seem so ephemeral, that teach a person (certainly a perfumer) to order their impressions without judgement… This strikes me as one way to endure what shock does to memory and self-regard. In her book The Shock Doctrine, Naomi Klein points out another one of the things we can do in the face of overwhelming shock is to seek community and exchange our impressions, turning them into stories that allow us to survive the shattering of humane continuity imposed by such a crisis. The fact that you did this with both the living (people in the market, friends on the phone, a taxi driver) and the dead (cleaning gravestones, polishing heirloom legends) is especially powerful to me. Thank you for these powerful stories, and the sermon about eternity — they help us to feel your resilience and care more deeply. Please stay safe. September 10, 2024 at 1:13pm
Caitlenn: Your family is blessed for your strength and resilience — they won’t always remember what you say — but they will always remember how you made them feel. And I have absolutely zero doubt how supported and loved you make them feel! Am certain everyone who knows you wishes we could come directly in person to your aid. With luck in a couple of months, I am hoping I can help initiate new pressures in DC to help change Ukraine’s situation; fingers crossed. Also know all too well from the days I spent in Jordan/Iran and nearby regions what all of you face; how it seems impossible that the horror can intrude into the daily. The one thing that has always helped me even in the worst moments is the absolute knowledge that death has no dominion over our lifeforce, we are not extinguished when that curtain drops. How we share our love with dear ones will always be known within their spirit’s — forever (Dylan Thomas’ poem titled “ And death shall have no dominion”). That you carry such resilience is a blessing for all who know you — thank you for reminding all of us what true integrity looks like. All my hopes for you, your loved ones and all of Ukraine! September 10, 2024 at 8:44pm
OnWingsofSaffron: The sheer senseless of this war together with the inexplicable pain it is inflicting on so very many people is completely beyond comprehension. I fear greatly that the war will drag on and on. What a catastrophe!
I wish all people in Ukraine endurance, steadfastness and confidence. September 11, 2024 at 12:43pm
Amalia: Two years of war, two years of suffering, death, fear, destruction. For me personally, it is unthinkable that a cruel man with imperial ambitions should be left unchecked. He attacked Georgia, he has targeted Moldova, and Lithuania. Next are the Western European countries. May peace be achieved quickly, but with Ukraine, not lose any ground, otherwise, the appetites of all authoritarian regimes will be whetted. May the grace and wisdom of God and the Virgin Mary stoop down and protect this country. To Protect all the wronged and oppressed. May the children’s future be optimistic again. The consequences of war, the pain, the hate, are harsh, for many years and in many generations. Europe knows… All the best to your loved ones, your family. Take care of yourself. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 September 12, 2024 at 4:30pm